What if TripAdvisor had existed back in the 17th century?
TripAdvisor made our lives as tourists easier compared to those of the earlier Grand Tour travelers of the 17th century. Besides giving us the chance to quench our thirst for judgments, now we can even feel helpful for other people.
In any case, those online tips are not only the classic ones about restaurants or hotels, as it has become increasingly common to review even city monuments in a fancy way.
We supposedly expect that the most famous and amazing wonders in the world would obtain just five-star ratings. However, to my astonishment, it turns out it is not always the case. Thanks goodness, the negative reviews are still a relative few compared to all the others.
Therefore, in order to prevent great artists of the past to roll over in their graves, whenever some misunderstood genius brings up a negative review about one of their masterworks, I will try to reply on their behalf.
We will start from the Eternal City, Rome.
Colosseo (Colosseum)
I’m sorry you don’t like stone buildings. I guess you are one of those people who doesn’t even like color paintings or stone sculptures. For your satisfaction, I will consider to replace stones with Instagram pictures and gladiators with hookers. Come again and visit us soon.
I really appreciate the fact that the amphitheater looks so Roman for you. The original idea was to make it look more kind of Greek, but during the construction I realized that the arches would have been more suitable given the historical and geographical context. Maybe I could resize the circumference of the building and arrange a cage for children.
Thank you for your opinion, I will consider to tighten up our admission policy to allow in Roman history geeks only.
Piazza Navona (Navona square)
Dear guest, I am glad to inform you that we have recently introduced a 24/7 exorcist service available for more than forty types of demons. In the event that evil forces are not defeated you will get a full refund.
Basilica di San Pietro in Vaticano (St. Peter’s Basilica)
Try our last tour experience: become a good priest and gain five thousand faith points to reach the Pope level. You will be able to excommunicate up to ten infidels.
Piazza di Spagna (Spanish Square)
I will clear up any doubt you might have. People sit on the stairs to enjoy this enchanting place and, more in general, that thing called life. In Italy we call it “dolce far niente” (sweet doing nothing). That “small fountain” at the foot of the Spanish Steps is a masterpiece of hydraulic engineering made by one of the greatest Baroque artists, while the water source comes from Acqua Vergine, the only one among the ancient Roman aqueducts that even today delivers pure drinking water to the city of Rome.
Fontana di Trevi (Trevi Fountain)
It must be hard find out what a fountain does most of the time. Give my best to your smelly socks.
With great power comes great responsibility, so be careful with your next review. A ghost of an ancient Roman in his quest for vengance could show up in the dead of night.